Lovely Blush
by TeamMidnightSun
Summary: Isabella Swan understands what her body craves and has always been intoon with its needs. Until one day, she just doesn't feel connected to her significant other any longer. What will happen when Bella follows her heart and not her hormones?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hello and welcome to my very first _Twilight _fanfic!

I really hope you can be open minded about this story and take it for what it is.

**Pen name: TeamMidnightSun**

**Disclaimer: ALL Characters belong to Stephanie Meyers -- STORY & PLOT are mine! & any other nicknames I might come up with  
**

You will find some similarities to the _Twilight _characters but for the most part I will be changing a few things.

Enjoy

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Chapter 01.

I 've never been the shy type, the ones that stray away from danger and the ones that are reluctant to take risks. On the contrary I am the complete opposite. I love being adventures and living on the edge for dear life. I live to feel the wind in my hair as I ride my Harley but these days a lot of that hasn't been happening. I am so cooped up with this chick. Don't get me wrong I love her, I really do but it seems like the flame is gone. The torch has done as much burning as its ever going to do.

I am unhappy with Rosalie Hale, what the hell is wrong with me? She fucking _hot_! And the best part of it all is she wants only_ me._ I still cant wrap my head around it. I have small breast, an average ass, brown plain eyes and a police chief as my father for God sake. I grew up on the good side of the tracks and now that I think about it, I don't even think Forks has railroad tracks. I sighed heavily as I finished making mushroom ravioli for the miss's and I. She loves it when I cook for her. It turns her on! Used to turn me on too, until it was all that she seemed to want these days. Well that and sex.

I just wanted to cuddle, what the hell is so wrong with that? Sex this; sex that, sex after work and then sex in the middle of the night. I'm tired. I don't think I can cum anymore. Is that possible? To run dry? Well if any other lucky lady dated my luscious girlfriend I am sure it is possible. But I am also sure they wouldn't be mad about it, they would enjoy it. Bask in the ecstasy she gives them, fiend for it even; but spontaneous ordinary Bella doesn't.

I would give you details but I am sure once Rose walks into the room you will understand. Spoke too soon!

The voluptuous Rosalie swayed into the kitchen in nothing but half of her jumpsuit from the body shop she owns. Half of the jumpsuit was bobbing against her rump as she sashayed my way. She didn't need to act sexier around me but it seemed to arouse her, I couldn't take the fight out of her if I tried. Her happiness means more to me than anything in my life right now. I blushed as she brought her pointer finger to her mouth and parted her lips, she bit down softly and smirked.

"**I've waited all day to see that blush; it's the sexiest thing in my world**." She never failed to make my cheeks burn like this. Everything she said made my body come alive whether in a good or a bad a way. Her words filled me with such completeness that it was frightening in the beginning. As if you could picture me, the vulnerable and helpless type, as if! "**Did you miss me gorgeous?**" She asked as she sucked on her finger, already making me wet. Okay, so more or less I did say I wasn't happy but I didn't say she didn't make me want to do all the nastiest things to her with just one glance. Rose makes all the fierceness I can muster escalate to the surface. How the hell does she do that?

Breathlessly I nod and inhale her scent. I am so used to her job that even gasoline turns me on. I parted my lips to tell her so but was met with her lips crashing to mine. She loves being in control so I let her set the pace. This was passionate Rosalie, the one that usually rips off my clothes and takes me on the counter top. Always impatient and craving the touch of my skin but this kiss was a little different, more desperate. She was hiding something.

I pulled away quickly and looked her in the eyes. "**Rose. STOP!**" She halted her lips right where she left off kissing me and looked at me with shock. **"What's wrong? Is everything okay? There's something different about you, about your kiss."** Before I could finish my sentence my fingers caressed my lips and lingered there for a split second. "**What's going on?**"

When Rose doesn't get her way she huffs and puffs and this situation was no different. **"Goodness Bella, what is so horrible about trying something new? I want to spice up our sex life, what is so wrong with that? I want you, is that so hard to believe?"** I heard her voice rise an octave at the end and I cringed. She was really upset. Okay so maybe I had insecurity issues but who doesn't? Is it so bad that I freak out a little when her passion surpasses the days before? If your answer is different than mine, you don't know shit about love. This is just how it is for me. I love her but I don't love her ways. I'm stuck!

"**It's not like that Rose, honestly! I just don't understand you sometimes. Why are we even together?**" Most women hate being questioned about their relationship. Not Ms. Hale! She loves it when I got feisty with her; it just turned her on more. And in return, it makes me coward back into m sexual shell. How did I last so long with her anyway? It will be 2 years in less than a week. I honestly think God doesn't want me to be with her, or to be having so much sex all the time, he wants more for me. And please don't get me wrong, Rosalie is an amazing person. She loves me for me, always compliments me, and sticks up for me at every chance. She is everything a girl wishes she could have but I think she is meant to be a different type of girl in my life. A best friend would suit her, but I don't think she could even be friends with me if we ever broke up.

Rose and I never had a friendship. She was attracted to me once she saw me and the only reason I knew that is because she proclaimed it to the world when we locked eyes.

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**Two years and 8 days ago. May 24th, 2007.**

I was walking into the stadium with my best guy friend, Jacob Black. We got to the game particularly late. We had flown all the way to New York City for a Mets game. I was in love with Jose Reyes and Jake just wanted to meet the love of his life in the city. He swore once he got on the subway she would be there. To say the least, we took ever single train in NYC yesterday evening. I was exhausted once we got there, the pledge of allegiance already sang and people were in their seats. We had pretty good seats, right behind 3 base and only 15 rows up. I was bending down to whip off my seat when I felt eyes on me, or rather my butt. I knew Jake wasn't a big like that so I scanned the stadium and was paralyzed in my spot when she smirked at me. Those lips made my mouth water and a sticky wet feeling between my legs. I never felt that before, not ever! I was so confused that I blinked a few times to make sure she was really looking at me. When I realized no one else was looking at us while Jose stole 2nd base, I finally smiled back. She yelled right after all the uproar ended, **"You sexy as hell Swan, I'd like a piece of that ass."**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hello my loves. It felt so good to get all of your reviews. I totally understand that this was a shock.

I didn't want to give you any details as to what this story would have in it, but now you know.

I am on cloud nine that you liked it. Please review and tell your friends about it.

**Disclaimer: ALL characters belong to Steph****e****nie Meyers -- STORY & PLOT are mine! & any other nicknames I might come up with.**

I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope you like it, too.

Enjoy

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**Chapter 2.**

**Confessions**

"I am with you because you are the sexiest thing on this side of the continental US, or have you forgotten that?" Rose said while she threw her hands in the air.

"Do you still have those brain farts in your pretty little head of yours? Is it really that hard to believe that there has never been a girl to touch my heart like you have? Every time I think of anything beautiful I think of you," she said with a serious face.

"Every lick of my lips reminds me of the things I want to do to you. And every single time a happy thought pops in my head your face appears. That's why the hell we are together!" she shouted.

"If you don't agree, then you can walk out that front door right now, Isabella Marie Swan. I don't own you, and I am not keeping you here against your will. But I do know you. And whether you want to admit it to yourself or not, I also know you have nowhere else to go. So for once let's stop playing all these games and how about you decide whatever it is you want to do with this," she said, motioning her hands between herself and I.

"You know exactly how I feel. I don't need to explain myself to you; I shouldn't have to. You are lucky I don't just ignore this little tantrum of yours and just take you right here on the counter. That's exactly what I want to do. Can you read my mind, Ms. Swan?" Rose took a step in my direction and I backed up slightly.

Each time I tried to say something my eyes would only blink and nothing would come out. What is wrong with me? If I was going to be honest with myself, and with Rose, this one time, I would tell her that I don't want to be in this relationship anymore. I would tell this beautiful, insensitive woman that I think our relationship has run its course, but she is right. Rosalie Hale understands me and my situation. She gets me, inside and out. And despite all my flaws she still wants me. Not those vixens at the bars that throw themselves at her, not even the elegant rich uppity ladies that want to be her sugar momma and she still comes home to this. **Me!** She's never cheated on me, and I honestly believe she never would. Yet, I can't bring myself to give her my whole heart.

Deep down I can't shake the feeling that there is someone else out there for me, that I was meant to go down a different path. And most of all, I feel that love doesn't feel like this. I shouldn't have to hide my feelings from the person I am truly in love with. I should be able to act goofy and be shy all at the same time. I should be able to express my inner most feelings. And even though I slightly did that in the past with Rose, it's still not the same. She's not the right woman for me. She isn't what God has in store for me.

Then why can't I leave? Realistically Bella, what is holding you back? Before I could blink yet another time, Rose grabbed my face and kissed me. Silence isn't one of Rose's specialties, unless it's right after sex and she is out of breath. That's my girl!

My eyes rolled into the back of my head as I relinquish all control of my body to Rose's come-hither invasion. As she unleashes her frenzied hormones into my mouth I involuntarily hitch my leg around her tantalizing thighs. This is the point in our sex life where I willingly let her dominate me. Her intense carnal reactions render me bound to her every touch. Even if I tried to resist my mortal parts would betray me. There's no reason to fight it, you can't repel Rosalie when her resolve is this fierce.

But damn it, I am fierce, too. Simultaneously, I bit down hard on her lip and shoved my way out of her grasp. She was taken aback and frowned at my boldness. "Do you want me?" she asked as she tasted the wound I gave her. Nibbling lightly on the inside of my mouth, I wanted to truthfully answer this question but I wouldn't be able to get through this conversation if I did. So instead I tastefully ducked out of the kitchen and walked to our bedroom. Rose understands all important conversations happen in the bedroom, it's the only place in the house we have the least sex in. In this room I feel powerful. I control what happens in this room because what happens here is always up to me.

I am grateful Rose at least gave me one piece of space I am able to think in. My peace of mind is all I have left these days. My pointless librarian job at Forks High School only passes time. How did I get here?

I raised my hand to stop her where she stood, "I don't want to fight; I just want to talk. I need to get some things off my chest, Rosalie. Please!" My voice cracked on my last word. I know Rose respects me and my feelings but more times than none, if she isn't gaining from the conversation she will disregard my claims. Her love is evident, but her sympathy has yet to move into our lives.

"Seriously right now, Bella, what is going on with you? I thought everything was fine in our relationship. Are you telling me your feelings are so meaningful that we need to be in here?" her voice rose two octaves.

Now it was my turn to be taken aback. Is she kidding me? "First of all, Rosalie, the world doesn't revolve around you! I'm just here to explain how I feel about some things, and you're the one flipping out. Can you - just for once - just listen to me and try to understand where I am coming from?"

"I do listen to you, so don't give me that shit. I am a great girlfriend to you."

"Listen, I didn't mean that you don't listen to me. You do listen to me for the most part. But you don't sympathize with me, Rose. You don't fully get where I am coming from or else I'd be happy right now." Before I could take back what I said she had already covered her mouth in shock, so I back tracked. "I didn't mean it like that, Rose. Wait! Just give me a second to collect my thoughts, okay? I want to do this right."

"What exactly are you doing? Are you trying to make me cry? Are you really standing here telling me that our relationship is fucked up? If you are telling me that, then I don't want to hear this shit. I can't believe you right now, Bella. I've been busting my ass to support us and make this life we made together the best. But your ungrateful ass can never just say thank you."

"Thank you!" I practically shouted.

"That's not what I want and you know it. I want you to be happy with me, and instead I am making you miserable. What kind of girlfriend am I?" she said with her hair in her hands. She tugged roughly and shuddered.

This wasn't how this conversation was supposed to go, you know. I was supposed to tell her I was unhappy, and she was supposed to ask why and then make everything better. I guess this isn't fantasy, and I don't get the luxury of having that type of luck. I seriously think a harpy is lurking in my closet taunting me, this very moment. What did I do to deserve this? I don't want to make Rose cry; that's the last thing I want to do, but I need to express my feelings. Don't I have the right to exercise my civil liberties, my womanly rights, and the freedom all the strong women before me fought for? I will not allow her to make me feel guilty. This has to be said, tonight.

"The reason I need to speak with you, Rose, is because I don't feel like you sympathize with my feelings. I feel like I can't really be myself around you lately. I want to be the reckless and full of life Bella I was when I met you. I was more down to earth back then, and I felt free. In the beginning of our relationship, I was able to keep those qualities about myself flowing but now it feels like they are murky. I really need your help because you are basically the only person I am with on a regular basis. I don't really talk to many of my friends anymore."

Before I could even continue she looked up at me and laughed, "As if you don't hang out with your librarian friends."

"Do I go and party with them? No! Do I go out to eat on a regular basis and converse with them outside of school hours? No! And don't you dare laugh at me. This isn't a funny manner."

"It's funny to me. Forgive me if I'm not being sensitive enough for you, Isabella, but honestly you knew from the get go that, that's just not my personality. You know me; sometimes it's hard for me to be everything you want, but damn it, I try very hard to be who you need. And from my end of this relationship it seems like I'm doing a pretty damn good job."

"Would you stop boasting about yourself and pay attention to me for a second?" I raised my eyebrow at her in a questionable look. She huffed but complied. "So let me get this entire speech out and you can have your turn, agreed?"

Lucky for me she just stayed quiet, and that is usually her way of saying yes, ironically enough. Rosalie, silent, ha!

"I love you, Rosalie, I really do, but something's off. We lost our spark or something; we don't communicate like we used to. You don't hear me anymore. And I'm not talking about my words, it's like you don't read me the same way you used to. I can't really explain it right, I'm sorry." Okay now I'm getting frustrated with myself. This is so hard to explain to her while she looks at me this way. She looks like a lost puppy and I am the master that intentionally is walking away from it. That's not what I'm doing; at least I don't think I'm trying to leave her exactly. I want to leave behind the Rose that has caused me to retreat from her love lately.

"You are pushing me away, Rose. Or I am running away, either way I don't feel comfortable right now. I don't feel like this is forever. Please forgive my being blunt, but I know it's the only way to get through to you. I don't want a relationship that revolves around sex and only sex. That's not what I was put on this earth for, to be sexy and worshipped. Is it fun? Of course it is at times." I smiled because in reality the majority of the time it's amazing, but I can't keep this up. This isn't what I want.

"A part of me wants to be with you, Rose, but there is this other part of me that isn't too sure. I need you to help me get back to when we were happy, to when we didn't have problems. Maybe we need to have sex less and talk more. Is that something you are willing to do?"

"Maybe."

"Well, at this moment that is all I am asking for. I possibly need to do some soul searching. I need to find more things that make me happy and then do them. I can't just work at the school and come home and wait for you. It's not fulfilling anymore. At one point I could do that and not have a second thought. Maybe the honeymoon phase has finally worn off for me. I never wanted that to happen but it did. I just need you to put yourself in my shoes and try and really understand where I am coming from. I need you to be on the same page as me, Rose."

She took a few minutes to think about what I said, even though I wasn't finished with my speech yet. I can sympathize since I can't really stomach this conversation anymore either. I don't want to see the hurt emotions smeared on her face knowing they are because of me.

"Bella you know how I feel about you. I would do anything in my power for you. But I don't think I can be more than who I am right now, this moment, today. I've put my heart and soul into this relationship. I look at all the things you want, and then I try and make scenarios in my head as to what could be missing, but from my end everything is great. I'm happy! What more can I give you besides everything that I am?"

"I am not saying I am perfect in all of this. I just need more from this relationship. You have to be able to understand that. I'm not delusional."

"How about I try and summarize what you just told me. Would you like that?" she said with an angry tone to her voice.

"Sure, that's fine. Tell me what I said, Rose, " I said as kindly as possible.

"So you are saying that there is something missing in our relationship." I nodded. "And you want me to really listen to you and sympathize with your feelings." I smiled. "But you don't really know exactly what is missing; all you know is that you just don't want to have sex as much as we do. You want to talk more and possibly find more time to yourself to make new friends. You want to find yourself?" I nodded. "And at the end of the day, you do love me, but you want me to listen more, understand more, and for me to put myself in your shoes so we can be on the same page?" I played with my hands as she basically recited the exact things I previously told her. This made me feel a lot better.

"I want to give these things to you, Bella, but it is going to take me time. I can't just change at the drop of the dime. I want to please you, and at the same time I want to please myself even more." She gave me a sheepish, apologetic grin. "I want us to be as happy as our first few weeks together. But honestly, you have to be patient with me. This is not easy for me. Today is the first day of our relationship that I am hearing you aren't happy. It hurts like hell. It makes me feel like a failure and even though you aren't trying to do that, it's how I feel. So don't try and change that, just accept it. Let's be real, I am the dude in this relationship. I hardly listen, I want you to clean and do the laundry, I'd rather drive you around, and I make the most money in the relationship. These qualities aren't the best to have, but this is me. You have to accept me or leave me. And from what I am hearing you want to stay with me, for now at least. I feel like you are sending mixed messages because you are fighting demons that you can't really confess to yourself. But, I want to be here for you regardless. I never want to lose you as a vital part of my life."

She took a deep breath, got up from the bed, walked over to me, and hugged me. She didn't grope me, fondle me, pinch my sensitive body parts or touch me in a sexual way by any means. She really was trying to please me. I am so grateful for this, for her. I really hope this is enough. I want this to be enough.

"Rose, I really appreciate that you're doing this for me. I really need this; I need you. I want this to work out, but if…"

She cut me off with a very sweet kiss on the side of my mouth. It wasn't passionate - it was just…sweet. It was beautiful, and I didn't need anything else after that. We undressed in silence and never unlocked eyes until we turned the lights off. I think this is the closest I've felt to Rose in a very long time. Amazingly enough, I really missed this, and I can't begin to tell you how great this is for me. I am willing to give this a second chance if she is. We will find out tomorrow if she meant her words. Until then, I plan to stay in her arms until I can't hold on any longer.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hello my loves. I would like to apologies for taking so long to update this. So many things have prevented me from updating.

1. Lack of ideas for the next chapter.

2. My laptop broke over the summer and I didn't have a way to retrieve the pages I already started so that made me frustrated and I didn't want to update.

3. Now that my laptop was working I couldn't get the information transferred, long story haha.

But the bottom line is that, 'Lovely Blush', is back and better then ever. Or at least I think so. Tell me what you think.

There are some twist and turns but overall I like the direction its going in…do you?

Read and leave a comment. I like specific criticism or praise, either way I want to know what you think. J

Please review and tell your friends about it.

**Disclaimer: ALL Twilight characters belong to Stephanie Meyers – (STORY, PLOT & other CHARACTERS) are mine! & any other nicknames I might come up with.**

I am really proud of this chapter; I hope you come to the same conclusion.

Enjoy, lovies.

Chapter 3.

Transparency

Waking up to Isabella nibbling on my ear is a rare occasion. I fully expected her to revert back to the low self-esteem she pretends to hide behind when she's stuck at a cross road. The only time I was in the middle of her cross roads was when I had a falling out with that Jacob kid. He gets under my skin like only a mutt could. I still can't figure out why he calls me a leech when he was the one sucking the life out of the love of MY life. I've always felt like Jacob had a thing for Bella and even if she can't acknowledge it, I made sure to make it my business to get him out of her life.

I really don't care if people don't like me because of all the things I've done. I'm a different person today. I'm not the same girl that picked on her younger sister everyday of their high school career. I am no long the pretty uptight bitch that would walk right up to your girlfriend and tongue her down. Well, maybe if I was single I would; but I am committed to this relationship and to my girl. Although I am dedicated to this relationship, I am starting to question Bella's feelings for me. I never thought we had any serious problems. I always thought I provided for her every possible thing she needed and then some. What am I doing wrong?

Before I could even try and answer my own question the sun sent its traitorous bright beams into our double hung windows. My favorite part of our apartment was the view we had outside our large casement windows in our bedroom. The chestnut finish over our already hard wood floors and walls always gave me a shiver of pleasure. It makes me feel free to do anything. I often walk around naked just to see who I can get a rise out of. It makes Bella hate to wake up next to me most days but it doesn't bother me too much. Plus, today it seems to have paid off. I just love walking around with all my lady lumps showing. I guess you can say I am free spirited. I wish Bella were more like me.

I stretched to get feelings back in my arms after holding Bella all night. I turned my head to the right to look into her face and she had a smile waiting for me. It was infectious. All I could do was smile back.

"Good morning beautiful," I said while I stared into her eyes.

"I was wondering when you were going to wake up." She sighed.

I think reality is finally hitting her. She looks like she's been thinking for an eternity as I slept. She was always the type to get up early and then not be able to fall back to sleep. She is the complete opposite of me on that end. I love sleeping. If I could fix cars in my sleep I would. If I could have sex in my sleep, well of course I'd gladly try that shit. But I'm not that talented, yet.

"Feeling any better this morning?" I moved a few strands of hair away from her face and gave her a small smile.

"Actually I do. I feel relaxed even though I still feel a little overwhelmed. Lost in the moment sort of." She fidgeted her feet a little and looked towards the sparrow sitting in the tree right outside our window.

"Mmm." I really didn't know what else to say to her. I don't really understand how she feels. I'm trying but I am a little lost here myself.

"Can I ask you something?" Her voice shook. I nodded and she stumbled over her words. "Do you think every person deserves love?" She bit down on her lip.

I scratched my head a little before I answered. "Why would you ask that?"

"Well I asked because I had a dream last night. I dreamt that two people were in love with me but neither of the relationships worked because I wasn't the type to be loved. My insecurities got in the way of letting either person in. And the weirdest part about it all is that it wasn't two girls. It was you and some guy fighting over me Rose. Why would I dream this type of dream?" Her hands flew to her forehead as she closed her eyes. In the most subtle way as possible I flipped my hair out of my face and rolled my eyes.

"For the life of me Bella, I don't know why you would be dreaming about another person." I sat up and kicked my feet out from under the covers. "And I sure as hell don't know why it was a man you were dreaming about. I mean, I totally understand that I am the only real relationship you've ever had but a DUDE?" I was livid. I wanted to say as many mean words I remembered the English language had but I decided to just give her the evil eye and storm off. Who the hell does she think she is?

I walked into our bathroom and blew off some steam. I did the only thing that usually makes me feel better, I turned up the radio as loud as I possibly could and started dancing. Thank God Kings of Leon was on. I didn't pay much attention to what they were saying but more importantly just jumped up and down. I whipped my head in every direction until I was a little light headed. Once that song was over Paramore came on and that started the 'fist pump'. At this point I couldn't care less what Bella was doing. I was jamming and didn't care that it was 7:20 in the morning. Our neighbors hate us anyway. Well actually, they just started liking us again. _Oh well._ I know I should feel some type of sympathy or remorse but I don't.

After I worked off about 5 pounds of sweat, I jumped into our marble shower and basked in its beauty. This part of Bella I appreciated, the girl that took time for details and planned ahead. She never once bitched about what piece should go where in this house. I pretty much let her reign in that department. I just wanted to pick the bed. I needed room for the things I was going to do to her. And you can bet your bottom dollar I've done just about all of them. I have a few more up my sleeve but I really don't even want to touch Bella right now. I am silently wishing she leaves before I get out the shower. She needs to be to work in less than 30 minutes. I stuck my head out the shower to see if I could hear anything remotely human walking around but I didn't, so I just kept washing. I didn't plan on getting out of this shower until 8am. Then, I was going to drive very slowly to the garage.

After I cleaned off my smooth skin I stepped out of the shower and didn't hear anything downstairs. I dried off and confidently walked into our bedroom naked, no reason to wear clothes if you don't have to. I got dressed extra slow thinking of things I shouldn't. I hummed and swayed to this new song I heard on the radio the other day. It's called 'My Heart is Yours' by Justin Nozuka. If only her heart was mine. I can't help get a little jealous about her dream. I haven't fantasized about a man my entire life. Okay, maybe once. But still, that gives her no right to get up all happy and tell me about it. Like as if it made her damn day or something. I can't stand this. I angrily dressed myself and ran down the stairs without doing my hair.

I let my hair swing from side to side as I ran to open the front oak door. I wanted to catch Bella and ridicule her for dreaming about a man. I thought I was all she would ever need. I let one lonely tear fall down my right cheek and whipped it away bitterly. She was gone. "Damn you Bella," slipped from my full lips as I turned to go back inside. A part of me wants to be furious with her but the other side of me wants to hold her tight and make her stop slipping away from me. I am so at a loss for words right now. That's not like me, ever.

When I grabbed my pop tarts from the cabinet I found a note in Bella's handwriting sitting next to the toaster. I squinted to make sure I wasn't imagining things. With one hand I picked up the note while already nibbling on the chocolate chip pop tart in with other. The note was short and so Bella.

I don't want to fight.

Well tough shit. You started this so I am going to finish it, later. I had the right mind to go over there at lunch and speak with her but she never liked our love life to be front page news and Forks High School is the epitome of gossip. Go figure.

I purposely drove past the school to see if I would see Bella outside thinking or something ominous like that, she does that often when she has too much on her mind. And I would say today is one of those days. I wish I knew exactly what happened in her dream, who this guys is and why he has to show up now of all times. I wonder if she thinks he's attractive, muscular, sweet or romantic. She did say that it didn't work with either of us because of her insecurities. So many that's the key and the curse all in one. If I help Bella with her insecurities she will be safe to love me and what then if it back fires and I help her find someone else? But if I leave her the way she is then she will leave me in the end anyway. Someone help me.

I turned around and rushed to work after that. Bella wasn't anywhere to be found. And dare I say, just like in this relationship? It doesn't matter right now. Once I got to work the guys knew something was wrong. A permanent crease was in the middle of my forehead and it wouldn't go away for the life of me. Even as lunch began, my favorite part of the day, I couldn't shake the grey cloud that was hanging over our heads. Bella was really driving me up a wall. Usually I can shake this feeling off but no matter what I did; work harder, listen to good music or take a few shots of white Jamaican rum; I can't seem to pull myself out of this funk. Vodka usually did the trick. My bottom draw always had the plan B to my work day. I shouldn't be drinking at the job but I own this joint so who the hell cares? I passed along my last 2 cars to Richard and called it a day.

I made it home at exactly 4:15 and decided to make some dinner. I never cook. I was never the domestic type but I did pick up a thing or two from Ms. Swan. I made some spaghetti and meat balls and for some reason this reminded me of my little sister. My momentary weakness had me picking up my blackberry and dialing her number. It rang 3 times and she answered the phone giggling about something.

"What do you want Rose?"

"Listen I have a favor to ask you but you have to promise not to tell anyone, got it?" I gritted my teeth with regret already. I almost hung up on her by just thinking about the consequences of this very conversation.

"I'm your only sister for God sake Rose you can ask me anything. Now what's wrong?" She sighed heavily and waited for my response.

"Alice, I need you to give me some relationship advice. And I don't mean your girly prissy power puff meets golden girls stuff; I mean some hardcore sisterly tough love. I'm pulling at straws here." I bit my lip because for once in my life I was nervous to hear what someone would say to me.

"Wait a second. Rosalie Hale wants relationship advice from her little sister? Me, Alice Hale? You have got to be kidding me. What the hell did you do to Bella now?" She chocked over half her words and if she were in front of me, in all honesty, it would be her I'd be choking.

"I am giving you 5 seconds to straighten your shit and help me or so help me God Alice," she cut me off and talked over my words.

"Okay okay, don't get your panties soaked." I shook my head, she always got phrases wrong.

I laughed under my breath after I thought about her words again. "Fine. This is the deal, Bella doesn't feel appreciate enough in our relationship. She thinks we have too much sex and we don't talk enough. So that was our conversation last night, right?" I didn't give her the chance to answer since it wasn't a question. "She wants me to imagine myself in her shoes more and really understand what she is trying to tell me. She's _'lost'_ apparently."

I made the quote gesture with my hands as if Alice could see me. "You know me, I'm cold hearted. But she's got to give it to me, I am trying. Ya know, to get what she is talking about, but honestly I thought we were happy, together, all this time." I sighed and bowed my head. I very seldom sympathize with anyone but with Bella I really do try. It's so frustrating and heart breaking to know that I've been doing something wrong lately, or for so long I didn't even realize I was doing it. No wonder she's lost. I don't even know where my head is at the exact moment. And this relationship seems more distant by the minute. Are we meant to be?

" I had no idea she wasn't in the bliss I've been in, this entire time. I don't know what to do. I want to smack her to be honest with me but that won't make anything better." Aggression was always the first solution in my book.

"Well you might want to hold back from the violence." You could hear the seriousness in her voice when she said **violence**. She's had some run ins with guys that liked to be forceful with her. I shouldn't have said suggested that. "Bella isn't the type to stay in an abusive relationship. You already know that, but at the same time, at least she is voicing her opinions to you. Trust me that's a good thing. You must find out what she wants, how to give it to her and fast. Or else you will end up alone, like **me**. I love you sis, but you haven't had the best track record with the ladies. If she loves you, she will stick around and work this out. But if the love is gone then you might want to start facing the reality now. Either way you are going to be fighting. Fighting for the love lost in your relationship or for your sanity when things end badly with her.

"Do you really think it's that serious that we could…" I couldn't say the words into existence.

"Break up, **YES**!"

And I thought I was the blunt one in our family. I hate when she's right and she _is_ right.

"Listen, you love her right?" I did a nervous laugh and hummed my approving response. "Then you fight for her. No one said you had to play fair." I knew what she meant. She blew me a kiss and hung up.

I walked over to our flower print shades that draped over the back window that unlocked the wonderful rose garden Bella birthed this past spring. I was flattered when she first thought up the silly idea to make a Rose garden but then it seemed endearing and I rarely use that word. Then I realized she loved me so much to create a garden after me. That touched my core but then she started spending more time with the roses than me and it begrudgingly made me jealous, and that's a hard task. Okay, who am I kidding? I get jealous if someone looks my girls' way, the wrong way. But as time pressed on, Bella read in the garden instead of in my arms or on the couch as I watched poker tournaments.

I sheepishly grinned at my hypocrisy and then walked over to the refrigerator to get the milk out. Bella loves eating spaghetti with chocolate milk. It was always a tradition with her and Jake that I couldn't allow myself to take away from her. Yeah, I've **taken** things from her. I invested just the right amount of time and energy convincing Bella that Jake just wanted into her pants. Once that dog got about 6 feet tall, I couldn't trust him farther than I could throw him.

I saw the way he would look at her, as if she was the first face he'd ever seen in his life. She wasn't a puzzle to piece together; her feelings were always displayed all over her face. Of course, except for the past few months. I swear my mind can think about so many things all at once, either that or I have ADD.

I made the table and sat and waited for Bella to arrive home. I wonder what was taking her so long to get home. I reached over our deep gray marble table and touched any key my fingers could reach, just to see if she'd called and I missed it but nope, nothing. Not even a text message explaining where she would rather than be then with me, what gives? I signed onto aim just to make sure she didn't try and contact me there, not a damn thing IM'd. She wasn't even signed on. So I quickly ran upstairs to my laptop to sign onto Facebook. If she didn't write me I just might throw my blackberry threw the wall and I love it way too much for that. So the laptop it is. Facebook wasn't my favorite social network but Bella hates twitter so I know she wasn't on there tweeting. I made her account anyway, LovelyBlush, I follow her. But once I signed on Facebook I saw that I had one lone message. I clicked it so fast that I think I might have sprained my pointer finger. I growled with revulsion when I saw it wasn't from her but from Jacob Black.

I almost didn't open it. But something in the pit of my stomach told me I needed to read it. I raised an eye brow and opened it. The message was short and anything but sweet.

To: Rosalie Bella's Hale

Jacob Black September 13, 2010 at 4:15pm Reply

Subject: HER

She finally knows everything.

You're **OUT**.

I'm **_IN_**!


End file.
